Alie Davis

What to Expect

This month marks a special anniversary for me. One year ago I made a big decision, which has changed my life. One year ago I had a decent job and a decent apartment and a decent life, but (for the first time in my life) I decided that I deserved more. I decided that I deserved a better job, and I went out and found one. I decided that I deserved a better apartment, and I moved into one. I decided that I deserved a better life, and I’ve spent the past year trying to make one.

I think a lot of people are told to accept what they have and be grateful; I know I was. I wonder if everyone has trouble reconciling this paradox. Society tells us to have dreams, society tells us that we can have it all… but if we ask for more, society tells us that we are greedy. If I say, “I deserve better than this,” does that make me arrogant, or just optimistic?

I’ve noticed, over the last year, how this idea of accepting my “lot” in life has influenced virtually every aspect of my life – not only the jobs I’ve chosen, but the careers I’ve chosen, the fantasies I’ve chosen, the health I’ve chosen, and the goals I’ve chosen. Indeed, I completed the 100 goals exercise almost nine months ago to challenge my expectations for myself. I failed to realize that challenging my expectations wasn’t the same as changing my expectations; I took the first step by shedding light on my weaknesses, but the race was far from over.

As I look forward to another year, and another set of choices about where my life is headed, I’m finally starting to see how my expectations are coloring my vision. Am I really looking at a brighter future, or am I expecting more of the same? And if I do expect more from myself, do I really believe I can succeed?

Affirmations

What are Affirmations?

As I mentioned before, I’m a big fan of lazy meditation; so much so that I just ordered a new set of Holosync meditation CDs. I can’t wait for my new CDs to get here, especially since the new meditation tracks come complete with personalized affirmations. Basically, these are affirmations I’ve picked and recorded, and they are going to be played subliminally while I’m meditating. But, let’s back up a minute, what exactly are affirmations?

I like to think of an affirmation as “a goal to believe something.” An affirmation is a belief (a google of “most popular affirmation” comes up with I am worthy of love), but the reason you need an affirmation is because it is not beliefs that you believe, which makes it a goal.

I had a few ideas for the affirmations on my CDs (first on the list was Charles Haanel’s mantra, I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy) and I got a few more ideas from the Centerpoint website (My capabilities and potential are unlimited), but when I practiced recording my affirmations it took about a minute and a half – and I needed five minutes. It was very difficult coming up with five whole minutes worth of affirmations, but in a way, I’m glad that it was so difficult. I was reminded of my guest post I did for Graduated and Clueless, about setting 100 goals; it’s difficult to set so many goals, but it also forces you to aspire for greatness when you might be otherwise inclined to settle for mediocrity. It took a couple days, but I’m confident that I’ve made up some truly amazing beliefs to adopt (I am connected to every molecule in the universe).

Why do Affirmations Matter?

As I was making up affirmations, (trying to think of any negative beliefs I have, and then writing down the opposite) I kept thinking about the movie The Secret. In the movie they talk about the power of your thoughts and beliefs to create your life. For example, I used one of the beliefs they talk about in the movie, money comes easily and frequently, for a meditation CD affirmation. “I grew up on, ‘You have to work hard for money.’ So I replaced that with, ‘money comes easily and frequently.’ Now in the beginning it feels like a lie, right? There’s a part of your brain that will say, ‘Oh, you liar, it’s hard.’ So you have to know that it’s this little tennis match that will go on for a while,” but it’s only after you truly believe that money comes easily and frequently that money actually will come easily and frequently. As you can imagine, you need to say the affirmation “money comes easily and frequently” really often if you actually want to believe it, but that’s why I’m so excited about these CDs! During meditation, your mind becomes much more open to ideas, and during deep Holosync meditation old negative beliefs are easily replaced with new, positive beliefs! But I digress…

As I was coming up with affirmations I also kept coming back to what Michael Bernard Beckwith said in The Secret, that “whatever thought has done in your life, it can be undone through a shift in your awareness.” By accepting what The Secret says, that my thoughts have created everything in my life, I came up with some great affirmations to create change (my hair is thick and luxurious). Fingers crossed…

I’ve realized that, even though it’s important to set goals, setting beliefs is the most important tool for transforming your life. Goals are pictures you hold in your mind of things that you want to achieve, but beliefs are like the paint brushes; without the belief that you can reach your goal, you will never be able to create a work of art.

Taking Control Financially After Graduation, Part 2

Know Your Enemy

After graduation my biggest problem (apart from all the ignorance) was my credit card debt, and I know this is something most college students (not to mention most Americans) are familiar with. At it’s peak, I had a six thousand dollar balance on my credit card. It felt like I had been trying to pay off my credit card since graduation, but nine months ago I still had four thousand dollars in credit card debt. After taking a closer look at my credit card statements I learned that I had a very high interest rate, and that my interest rate had gone through the roof after one late payment almost two years ago.  So obviously, the reason I was so deeply in debt was due to my crappy credit card company charging me crazy fees. But I also noticed something else…

As I said, I’ve always been a budgeter. I always kind of assumed this meant that I was responsible with money. I also assumed, since I was so responsible that the reason I was in debt was because I was only working part time my senior year, and I would charge trips to the supermarket or the campus bookstore to my credit card. When I downloaded my old credit card statements (knowledge is power!) I was surprised to see that I only had a two thousand dollar balance on my credit card when I graduated. How had my balance gone all the way up to six thousand dollars then? Was it all from my “periodic finance charge?”

I opened up a new spreadsheet to chart the growth of my credit card bill. In one column I put the date, in the next column I put the balance, and in the last column I put how much I was being charged in interest. I quickly realized, however, that three columns were not enough. As I looked through my old statement I couldn’t help but notice that I seemed to be spending a lot of money each month. In fact, I was spending more money after college than I had when I needed to “carry” grocery bills on my credit card. How could this be true, I thought I had been so frugal! As I looked though my old statements I also noticed that while my spending had increased, my payments did not increase correspondingly, and in retrospect this seemed a little foolish.

Those old credit card statements told a very interesting story. It was the story of a girl who felt grown-up, and wanted a grown-up pair of shoes instead of her old Vans. It was the story of a girl who though the real world was tough, and who was working hard, and who just wanted to come home and relax with her designer bath oils. It was the story of a girl who bought an expensive new computer and the next month (instead of paying off her computer) spent six hundred dollars on running shoes and Pink Berry. I had wanted to blame the credit card company, but when I added a column of my chart for new spending, and a column on my chart for my credit card payments, everything became clear. My credit card company charged me interest every month, but they didn’t make me pay less than I spent every month. My credit card company wasn’t the one stopping me from saving up to buy Christmas presents. My credit card company didn’t make me spend three hundred dollars shopping on eBay the same month I took a vacation to Europe.

As I looked through those old statements, I tried to remember why I had made those purchases. Was I trying to keep up with the Joneses when I impulsively bought my Apple? Was I trying to feel sophisticated shopping at expensive stores? Was I rewarding myself for a hard day’s work with a seven dollar frozen yogurt? It’s taken me nine months of thinking about it, and analyzing when I want to treat myself to a new purchase, to understand that I was trying to make myself happier by spending money.

The problem was, I never actually was happier after treating myself. I was still just as glum, the only difference was I had a new pair of shoes that I would never get much use out of.

Taking Control Financially After Graduation

Knowledge is Power

For about nine months now I’ve been I’ve been gradually taking control of my finances. As I write this, nine months seems like a lot of work: a lot of books about money, a lot of time playing with Numbers (the Mac version of Excel), a lot of money set aside from a lot of paychecks, and most of all a lot of fears to break through. But, when I look back at how far I’ve come in nine months I know it was all worth it.

Nine months ago I was looking at my monthly credit card statement, and thinking that the balance seemed to be quite high, but I wasn’t sure if this was anything new. I tried remembering how the balance had gotten this high, but my memory failed me. It was nothing sinister, like having my credit card stolen, I just wasn’t very perceptive when it came to money. I was like that with everything that involved money. I paid my student loan bill every month, but couldn’t have told you what my interest rate was or how long it would take to pay it off. I had enough money to spend every month, but I wasn’t quite sure what my salary was. When it came to money I just didn’t want to know.

This realization came as a shock to me, because I had always assumed I was pretty smart when it came to money. I had a budget. Granted, it was written down on a scratch piece of paper in an old notebook, and I did have trouble finding it from one month to the next, but it was a budget none the less.

A budget is an important part of taking control financially, but I learned that a budget is not the most powerful tool in the financial toolbox. Budgets deal with what is immediate, what is right in front of you, what you need to pay in rent and what you can’t spend on groceries because you’ve just sent in your car payment. But a budget can’t start planning for retirement, and a budget can’t tell you why you need to buy so many pairs of shoes, and a budget can’t help you shop around for a lower credit card rate. I’ve learned that the most powerful tool in the financial toolbox is power.

The first (and the most frightening) step towards financial control is knowing how much money you have and where it goes. Open up a spreadsheet (I don’t know about your computer, but mine comes with awesome budgeting templates to get you started) and type in how much money you earn every month. Then type in the bills you pay every month. This way the next time you think about your car insurance instead of feeling your chest tighten with anxiety you can simply look at the number in the rectangle, because numbers in rectangles aren’t scary. Let’s assume (if you’re like most Americans) that the money left over from your paycheck (after paying the bills) is all spent on Chinese take-out, new clothes, and trips to Dave and Busters, and voila! You have your first budget.

Now try to become more knowledgeable about your money in other areas. Look at your credit cards, their balances and their interest rates (like I said, this is the most frightening step). If your grandparents have given you stock or savings bonds, learn more about them: how many shares of stock, what is the interest rate on that savings bond, when do those treasury notes mature? How many more payments until your car is payed off? How much do you pay in taxes each paycheck? How much did you get back (or pay) in taxes this year?

For many people after college graduation, money is just too scary to think about. But of course, like anything else, you are not really afraid to think about money, you are afraid of the unknown. Learning how to budget for the first time, or even thinking about investing money, can be terrifying. But as you work to slowly understand your finances you overcome the greatest obstacle holding you back, ignorance.

The Political Blog

Overall, I love living in Taiwan, but I sometimes feel extremely isolated from America. I try to watch the news, and to read stories online, to stay abreast of current events, but the news and the internet can’t be trusted to provide an accurate representation. Sometimes, the way some people are talking out there, it seems like the government is practically going door to door issuing ID cards and special patches to wear. Sometimes I talk to my friends and family and I’m surprised to learn that everything in America is not falling apart (in fact, it sounds pretty much the same as the last time I was there). One thing that really struck me as melodramatic was when people started comparing President Obama to Mao Zedong. Of course, I’ve heard people making the ridiculous claims that President Obama was the next Hitler, Stalin, Osama bin Ladin, etc, but I’ve seen the results of Mao’s policies first-hand. I’ve seen the government disinformation campaigns and human rights violations that continue in China even to this day. I would like to take a moment to remind Americans what a dictator actually is…

After Mao took over leadership in China one million landlords were beaten to death so that their land could be redistributed to the people. Next, nearly as many members of the political opposition were sentenced to public execution, and between four and six million were sent to “reform through labor” camps (the Chinese version of concentration camps).

Then, in the greatest famine in human history, tens of millions of Chinese peasants died, and (far from providing any disaster relief) all the while Mao was exporting grain out of China.

And who could forget the Cultural Revolution? The government supplied the young civilian militia with weapons and encouraged them to fight amongst themselves throughout China in bloody street warfare.

In contrast, what has Obama done? Obama has used legitimately gained political power to pass a number of laws, which were first agreed upon by duly elected representatives of the people. In Mao’s China he didn’t need to pass a law, because there was no rule of law. Mao dominated Chinese politics for more than thirty years, and he couldn’t be voted out of office because there were no elections. Mao’s government affected the things human beings value the most, like freedom of speech, religion, and the right to political decent. Mao’s government also affected the most basic human rights, like having enough food to survive or having the police come to your aid when attached by a roving mob.

Anyone who compares Obama to Mao is disrespecting the suffering that over a billion Chinese people went through. They are also making themselves look like an idiot.

Am I Grateful Enough?

ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: from obsolete grate ‘pleasing, agreeable, thankful’ (from Latin gratus) + -ful .

I’ve been worrying about gratitude lately. “Worry,” might be a bit strong, but the idea of gratitude has been bugging me since I saw the movie The Secret, and was first introduced to things like gratitude journals and “being in an attitude of gratitude.” I’ve heard about gratitude all my life, I’ve gone around the table on Thanksgiving and talked about what I was thankful for, but I always had the faint idea that I was missing something. I got that little feeling – like the floor dropping out under you – that you get when everyone else is laughing and you don’t get the punch line. I had heard about gratitude, but it was always just a word (like chassis) that didn’t really connect to anything in my world.

For example, on Thanksgiving I might say that I was grateful for my family and friends (because that’s what everyone always says on Thanksgiving), but it always felt somewhat hallow. I’ve been doing some research, trying to figure out exactly what this word means, and this is my favorite definition so far: If you are grateful for something that someone has given you or done for you, you have warm, friendly feelings towards them and wish to thank them. It’s the second part of grateful that really gives me trouble. In the example above, do I have warm, friendly feelings toward my friends and family? Absolutely. But I wouldn’t say I was grateful for them. Amazed by them, supportive of them, protective over them, delighted by them. Absolutely. So why don’t I have this desire to say thank you?

Am I so spoiled that I expect all the fantastic things in my life? Am I so ambitious that I’m never satisfied with what I have? I’d like to think not. After all, I’m literally over-joyed most days, and that feeling isn’t normally associated with over indulgence or dissatisfaction. I’d like to think that I simply have faith in how wonderful life is. I recognize that my family is fantastic, but I have faith that if I was born into a different family they would be equally lovely people. In other words, maybe I can’t give thanks for the things in my life because I’m constantly seeing how much everyone has to be thankful for.

Or maybe I’m a pampered little princess, it’s worrying.

I would also like to point out that if Latin made any sense it would be spelled GREATFUL but I think I need to give up on the idea that the world is ever going to spell like me.

Dear John

**** Spoiler alert ****

I just finished the book Dear John by Nicholas Sparks. It made me think of my own love life, but that’s not really surprising. John pined away for years, even after the love of his life married someone else. Guess who I identified with… There is no happy ending in this book, but there is a lesson to be learned.

This book chronicles the competition between different kinds of love; blowing your family off to spend time with your girlfriend, letting romances fall apart when your family is in crisis, the conflict between self-love and giving yourself fully to another, and ultimately a competition to see who gets the girl, the best friend she grew up with or the lover she felt an instant connection with.

Surprisingly, I didn’t lie the book very much! I was too annoyed with John (how often are we the most annoyed with the people most like ourselves?). In the end, although he was still unable to move on, he finally accepted that his old girlfriend and her new husband might have found true love, too.

I started thinking that love is not so much a competition as t is a buffet. There are a hundred different kinds of love, and none are better or worse, they are all just different. Maybe I’ll never love anyone again the way that I loved my ex-boyfriend, and maybe I’ll never love anyone again the way that I loved the guy before that. That’s okay. I’ve got a lot of life ahead of me and I can love a hundred different people a hundred different ways.

Taking Responsibility for What I’m Attracting

I’ve been having trouble going to work this week. I’m not having any problems at work (I teach English at a kindergarten in Taiwan), in fact, I’ve really been enjoying my work this week. My problem has literally been getting there. I have my morning commute down cold, and, if I can catch the right trains at the right stations, it only takes me 20 minutes to get there in the morning. Of course, this means that I leave my house so dangerously close to the time I need to arrive at work that if I miss any of my trains I’m completely S.O.L.

Monday morning I arrived at the subway station, bravely ran to catch my train, but had the doors slide closed in my face. Balls. I ended up taking a cab to work instead.

I’m trying to save money right now (or rather to allocate less money for taxis and more money for Thai food), so I made a point to leave for work a few minutes earlier yesterday. The train had been and gone already, I wasn’t even close. Double balls. I got on the next train and accepted that my pay might be docked for being a few minutes late.

This morning I got to the train station with a couple minutes to spare. I hopped on all my connecting trains no problem. Just as things were looking up for the first time this week, I completely missed my station. I had to get off at the next stop and take the train back in the other direction. Double plus balls.

Now my first thought went right to my old way of thinking, “somebody upstairs really doesn’t want me to get to work on time this week.” But I was able to catch that rogue belief and corral it before it started causing havoc in my mind. If you understand the law of attraction you understand that no one is doing this to me, I am doing it to myself. The thought changes to, “I really don’t want to get to work on time this week.” One of my thoughts, my attitudes, or my beliefs has been sending out the message to the universe that I don’t want to get to work on time, and the universe is simply trying to help me screw up my commute.

Of course, the natural question is what belief? Which thoughts? Why wouldn’t I want to get to work on time? And the answer is … I have no idea. But identifying the problem is the first step, eh?

Meditation

How often does it happen that we don’t appreciate something until it’s gone? Sometimes, if I want to loose weight, I’ll keep myself on a strict regimen during the week, then I’ll pig out on whatever I want on Sunday. The result is always the same, I realize how good my diet of healthy foods makes me feel during the week, and the terrible effects ice-cream sundays have on me. Often in life we choose the right path by looking at the contrasts between two roads.

At the risk of alienating myself from everyone east of Santa Monica, I would like to tell the world that I meditate. Call me a hippie if you want, but I meditate for an hour every night. If I’m being completely honest (and at the risk of alienating myself even further) I’m a lazy meditator. I’m not going to pretend I’m one of those hard core types who sits with their feet up in the lotus position reciting Sanskrit for hours on end. I lay on my bed, listen to my meditation CD, and end up falling asleep most nights.

Now, you might be wondering (as I sometimes do myself) what is the point of meditating if I’m going to be lazy about it? I suppose it was that doubt that made me stop meditating recently.

I only meditated once while I was in Thailand. I told myself that I was on vacation, that I was too busy riding elephants and eating pad-thai to meditate. But really, how hard is it to find time for lying in bed with your eyes closed? Then I got back, and instead of picking up my meditation habit where I’d left off I spent my time catching up on episodes of LOST that I’d missed. Then a couple of days latter I got food poisoning which left me with sporadic stomach pain and an even greater desire to stay in bed and watch TV (is it a coincidence that this misfortune and lack of motivation started after I stopped meditating?).

Anyway, I finally pushed myself to start meditating again, and after going a couple of weeks without it I can really see how meditation affects my life. I’m happier now. I’ve got that happy-for-no-reason, want to hug everyone, feeling a lot more often. Things that annoyed me a week ago don’t bug me as much, and I’m more patient at work (I’m not saying that I don’t get pissed at the kids anymore, because I still do, but it’s better, I’m working on it).

Now, I understand that most people think meditation is only for the tie-dyed people in Venice Beach, but if you’re at all interested in seeing the same results I’m seeing let me tell you more about my lazy meditation. I listen to meditation CDs produced by Centerpoint. Instead of chanting a mantra over and over to get your brain into a state of meditation they use different frequencies and tones in the music to stimulate meditation. This is very convenient, because while your brain is being stimulated, your mind can go ahead and think about the most recent episode of LOST, or where you should go on your next vacation, or fall asleep.

If you would like to try “lazy meditation” you can visit the centerpoint website and they will send you a free demo CD. There is also one year money back guarantee for their meditation CDs, but after only three months I can see that the CDs are definitely working, and there’s no need to get my money back.

Now I just wonder if I’ll ever start going to the gym again . . .

Life’s Magic

I had a little bit of trouble one night after dinner while I was in Thailand. I had gone to Ko Chang, one of the countries largest and most popular islands, and was spending some time enjoying Thailand’s famous beaches. I had just finished eating at one of the resorts on the island, and had spent my meal watching the sun set into the ocean. As you can imagine, I was feeling pretty good.

The roads on Ko Chang are long and mountainous, so walking from beach to beach is out of the question. There are no proper taxis on the island, only pick-up trucks that operate like a hop-on hop-off bus. You jump in the back and pay based on how far you’re going. There is only one road, going along the west side of the island from the northern tip to the southern end, calling at all the villages along the way. Unfortunately, I was staying at the last village on the road, so I always ended up paying the most.

The night before I had paid 150 Thai Baht to go from the ferry at the top of the island all the way down to my village. Now, I was going less than half the distance, and I had some girlish-notions of getting there for 60-80 Baht. The problem arose when the “taxi” pulled over and quoted me 150 Baht. More specifically, the problem arose when I said some very rude words to the driver. I knew that was not very nice, and I vowed to be better with the next driver, which was difficult because the next driver wanted to charge me 200 Baht. The third and fourth drivers also quoted me 200 Baht. I was beginning to think that things were going badly.

I was standing on an essentially deserted road, at night (it was like 8 o’clock, but it might as well have been three in the morning) with no way to get back to my beach cottage (okay, well I could have paid the 200 Baht, but come on! How could they have the audacity to charge me more than it costs the go all the way across the island?). I took a deep breath and said my favorite Charles Haanel mantra, “I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.” The next taxi driver told me I could go down to Ban Bao for 100 Baht, because sometimes life’s magical.